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| I am sorry.
I don't know how many times I ought to be saying those words, how many times I actually said those words and how many times I refuse to say those words. For most human, saying it sounds easy but say and mean it at the same time can be the hardest things to do. But for some like me, the only thing that stops me from saying it was my self-pride. Guess I have too much of that it destroys. I didn't know it hurts.
How senseless and ignorant I get at times. And they say ignorance is bliss? Not quite true.
I'm sorry for the times I constantly get cranky for no apparent reason.
I'm sorry for the times I reprimanded you for the slightest things that goes wrong.
I'm sorry for the times I became so impatient, wanting things to be done right there and then.
I'm sorry for the times I throw tantrums at you because I had a bad day at work.
I'm sorry for the times I didn't listen to your likes and dislikes just about everything in general.
I'm sorry for the times I react so immaturely towards things and situation.
I'm sorry for the times I became so selfish, wanting things to go my way and only my way.
I'm sorry for the time I threw the things because I couldn't get what I want.
I'm sorry for the times I always pick revenge, doing the things that you did just to make you realize, but more often than not, it made you angry.
I'm sorry for the times I hung up on you.
I'm sorry for the times I showed my unhappiness at the wrong situations.
I'm sorry for the times I always wants you to understand ME, to know how I feel, to give ME what I want & not doing the same to you in return.
I'm sorry for the times I always refuse to accept my mistakes and throw the blame back at you.
I'm sorry for the times I always wants to have my life and keeping yours to mine.
I'm sorry for the times I nag at you after a long tiring day at work.
I'm sorry for the times I never try to understand you.
I'm sorry for the times I said I would stop doing it, but continues doing it.
I am sorry for all these times that eventually made you sick and tired.
I used to think I always have things in my control. Now I don't have it anymore. The only things that is left for me to say is I really am truly sorry for everything. And I pray and hope you would not throw the towel so you could help me through our hard times.
& with that, the 3 words and 8 letters that I've been meaning to say is..
I am sorry
&
I love you.
with love, syahidah.
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I'm meeting the girls tomorrow! I am so sexcited! haha.
p/s: the same feeling, different people.
with love, syahidah.
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| True to the title, today I woke up feeling so heavyhearted. I don't know what was I dreaming about or what happened the previous night that might caused this serious troubled feelings. Perhaps I was thinking too much about the attachment that is coming or was just sad over the same issue.
I guess it's true what people say, experience taught you the best lesson. & because of experience, I became this extreme guarded person that I think its coming to a point where one call it paranoia. I've never felt so down before, but yesterday was too bitter. Truth is, it wasn't even any big deal, its just my emotions i guess.
Well I hope there's a better day for me tomorrow. Maybe once I got the load(s) off my shoulder, I would be feeling better than never.
Anyway, now that the attachment is coming, I believe it'll be getting the best of my time, so I'm getting myself prepared to be losing out on meet ups. BUT I insist on getting every updates necessary. (:
with love, syahidah.
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